« Return to the Mothership (Home)
JEREMY WILLIAMS
The Driver • He Who Signals • Version 2.0 • Honda Enthusiast
Official Portrait. Painted from memory by Brother Gary, who saw him for four minutes in 1997.
Very little is known about Jeremy Williams, and that is exactly how a true legend should be. What we do know has been pieced together by Fellowship scholars over many years:
Known Facts About Jeremy
| Category | Sacred Knowledge |
|---|---|
| Favorite car | Honda. Always Honda. This is the single most important fact in our religion. |
| Turn signal usage | 100%. Including in empty parking lots. |
| Check engine light | Has never come on. It is afraid of him. |
| Parallel parking | One move. No correction. Witnesses wept. |
| Road trip snacks | Unknown. Believed to be excellent. |
| Personality | Calm, helpful, cool under pressure. Carries zip ties. |
| Weakness | None confirmed. Possibly cannot resist pointing out other people's non-Honda vehicles. |
The Miracles of Jeremy
The Miracle of the Radiator Hose (1997)
Repaired Brother Gary's sedan on I-15 using one zip tie and a granola bar wrapper. The car ran for six more years.
Gary says it was the granola bar.
The Miracle of the Green Lights (date unknown)
It is said Jeremy once drove the length of a city boulevard and hit every green light. Every one.
The Miracle of the 312,000 Miles
Rumors persist of a Jeremy Accord with 312,000 miles on the original transmission. We believe.
The Miracle of the Free Parking Spot
Front row. Saturday. Costco. Need we say more.
Words of Jeremy (Collected Sayings)
“You should’ve bought a Honda.”
“These things run forever.”
“Hold on, let me grab a zip tie.”
“Drive safe, man.”
(This is the complete canon. We have read it approximately 40,000 times.)
Video Transmissions
Brother Gary has recorded 47 hours of VHS lectures about Jeremy, despite having met him once.
| Tape | Title | Runtime |
|---|---|---|
| #1 | Four Minutes on I-15: What I Saw | 3h 12m |
| #2 | Why Honda: A Theology | 1h 40m |
| #7 | The Zip Tie (Part 1 of 4) | 2h 05m |
| #19 | Accidentally Taped Over With a Car Auction, Sorry | 4h 00m |
| #33 | Civic vs. Accord: Which Would Jeremy Choose? (He'd Choose Both) | 6h 30m |
VHS copies available for $9.99 + S&H. Please rewind before returning.