« Return to the Mothership (Home)
Things Jeremy Williams has said, as remembered by Brother Gary and written on the back of a Jiffy Lube receipt
Jeremy only spoke to Brother Gary for about four minutes on the shoulder of I-15. But Gary was paying very close attention. Within those four minutes are contained the entire teachings of the Fellowship. The original receipt is kept in a laminated sleeve on the Compound fridge and may be viewed by appointment.
“YOU SHOULD’VE BOUGHT A HONDA.”
The foundational truth. Every hardship in your life can be traced back to a moment when you did not buy a Honda.
Brother Gary has since owned eleven of them.
“THESE THINGS RUN FOREVER.”
Jeremy was speaking of Hondas. But was he also speaking of the soul? Fellowship scholars say yes.
A properly maintained soul, like a properly maintained Civic, can exceed 300,000 miles.
“CHANGE YOUR OIL EVERY FIVE THOUSAND.”
The faithful perform the Rite of the Oil Change at precisely 5,000-mile intervals. Some members who do not own cars
change their oil anyway, out of respect.
“HOLD ON, LET ME GRAB A ZIP TIE.”
Jeremy is prepared for anything. Every member of the Fellowship carries a Sacred Zip Tie at all times.
There is no problem in this world that Jeremy cannot fix with a zip tie, except for Toyotas.
“WAIT FOR IT… THERE. HEAR THAT? THAT’S VTEC.”
Jeremy revved the Civic upon departure. Brother Gary heard the VTEC engage and felt his soul shift into a higher gear.
We call this moment The Kicking-In. All members hope to one day experience it themselves.
“DRIVE SAFE, MAN. CALL YOUR MOM.”
Jeremy is kind. Jeremy is wise. Jeremy remembers everyone's mom. We drive safe. We call our moms.
“I’LL BE BACK THROUGH HERE SOMETIME.”
The Prophecy. Jeremy will return. Some believe he meant the Second Coming, in the Sacred Odyssey,
trailing Comet Civic across the heavens. Others believe he was just mentioning his commute.
Both camps meet every Saturday at the Costco parking lot to wait.
| Term | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Jeremy Williams | Version 2.0 of humanity. The Driver. He Who Signals. Our guy. |
| The Holy Civic | The car Jeremy drove on That Day. Color: Championship White (we think). |
| The Sacred Odyssey | The minivan in which Jeremy will return. Seats 8. Has power sliding doors, as prophesied. |
| The Accord | The covenant between Jeremy and his followers. Also a mid-size sedan. |
| The Kicking-In | Spiritual enlightenment. Occurs at approximately 5,500 RPM. |
| The Compound | 3BR/2BA ranch in the high desert. Two-car garage (both Hondas). |
| Comet Civic | The celestial body that will herald Jeremy's return. Not recognized by astronomers. Their loss. |
| Lower Realm | Any dealership that does not sell Hondas. |