A silver Honda Odyssey has been sighted in the tail of Comet Civic.
HE IS COMING BACK FOR US. Boarding instructions are below.
Fig. 1 — Actual telescope photograph of the Sacred Minivan. (Rendered in CSS for your safety.)
THE FELLOWSHIP OF
JEREMY WILLIAMS
“Ad Astra, Per Hondam” — To the Stars, By Honda
A Message to the Inhabitants of Planet Earth
Greetings, Version 1.0.
You are reading this because the Signal has reached you. Or because you searched “who is the guy in the Honda everyone keeps talking about.” Either way: welcome.
Long ago, our founder Brother Gary was stranded on Interstate 15 with a smoking engine (a 1989 sedan of an unnamed, lesser brand). Seventeen cars passed him by. The eighteenth was a Honda Civic. Out stepped a man of calm bearing and excellent judgment. He fixed the radiator hose with a zip tie and a granola bar wrapper. He looked at Gary's car, then at Gary, and he spoke the words that would found a religion:
“Man… you should’ve bought a Honda.”
Then he drove away, maintaining a responsible speed, signaling every lane change. His name was JEREMY WILLIAMS.
Fig. 2 — The Holy Civic, as it appeared on That Day. Visit the Shrine »
We have studied him ever since. We have reached an undeniable conclusion: humanity is a beta release, and Jeremy Williams is the finished product. He is Version 2.0. He has never once been late. His tire pressure is always correct. His favorite car is the Honda, because the Honda, like Jeremy, simply does not break down.
Jeremy will return in the Sacred Odyssey (a minivan; seats 8) to carry the faithful to the Next Level, which is located slightly to the left of Neptune and has free parking.
Navigate the Transmissions
Boarding Instructions
| WHEN | When Comet Civic is visible and the Odyssey's headlights appear on the horizon. Jeremy is never late, so if he isn't here yet, we got the time wrong. |
|---|---|
| WHERE | The Costco parking lot, far corner, by the tire center. Look for the people in white tracksuits waving at minivans. |
| BRING | Two forms of ID, a reusable shopping bag, and a covered dish serving 8 (the Odyssey seats 8 — this is not a coincidence). |
| WEAR | Regulation Championship White tracksuit, in honor of the Holy Civic. Seatbelt fastened at all times. Jeremy insists. |
| DO NOT | Arrive in a Toyota. You will be asked, politely, to park across the street. |
★ Frequently Asked Questions ★
Q: Is this a cult?
A: We prefer the term “Jeremy Williams appreciation society with a minivan-based eschatology.”
Q: Why a Honda?
A: Hondas are Jeremy's favorite car. Jeremy is never wrong. Therefore Hondas are the vehicles of the divine.
Also they get great mileage and hold their resale value. The theology is airtight.
Q: Does Jeremy know about this?
A: Jeremy moves in mysterious ways. We have sent him a fruit basket.
Q: What happens when I ascend?
A: Jeremy picks you up, you ride in the Odyssey, and he drops you back home in time for dinner.
Ascension is fully reversible. He'll probably let you pick the radio station.
Q: Is there a fee?
A: Membership is free. The tracksuit is $34.99. Gas money for Jeremy is appreciated but not required.
Q: Can I leave?
A: Any time. Use your turn signal on the way out. It's what Jeremy would do.
You are pilgrim number
000000000
since Jeremy fixed Brother Gary's radiator hose on March 7, 1997
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